Written By: Nsi Amah
As a young black woman in her prime, I never thought dating would be this difficult and emotionally draining. I always have to watch my back, protect my mental health and just figure out if this guy is right for me. For black women, we always have to be calculating our dating and have a huge wall up. There are always questions that we have to ask ourselves about the guy because the media always represent us so incorrectly. We have to ask ourselves; Am I too dark? Does he like black women? Will his parents approve? These are the questions that spin every time in our minds with a new guy. We are always angry, loud and obnoxious on television and movies. As a result of this, many men think that black women aren't desirable. If we are desirable, it is usually just sexually and we are discarded like trash once they are done with us.
I believe the most difficult part of dating is battling colorism from black men. I remember growing up and being told that I was "too dark" to date. I grew up so insecure about the color of my skin because in the media and the people that were around me showed me that lighter is more beautiful. This nightmare is taught to black girls at a very young age because parents are insecure about the color of their skin. This terrible teaching has been passed down from generation to generation and it kills the self-esteem of young black girls. So growing into women, we have to reprogram our mind that our skin is beautiful on our own. We have to see that for ourselves regardless of what men think of our skin.
One guy, I had a crush on during college told me one day that he wouldn't date me because I was "too dark" for him. So I knew he didn't find my skin color beautiful at all despite the fact I had a beautiful. However, that just showed me how closed-minded some men are and he was most likely taught that early in his life. Unfortunately, that is what black women have to face when it comes to finding love. Black women have more difficulty finding love than white women, it is just the sad reality we live in.
However, as long as you love yourself and better yourself the harsh blows of dating won't sting as much. As black women, we need to encourage ourselves and love each other. That positive energy will bounce back. Love yourself by telling that girl in the mirror that you are beautiful and you are worth it. Don't depend on anyone to do that for you, you have to do that yourself, sis. You have two feet for a reason; to stand up for yourself. Once you see yourself as a queen, many others will follow you and see you like royalty. You will get the respect that you deserve. Trust me, what one man won't appreciate, another man will. First, you need to love and appreciate yourself.